Journal Entries For you
by Gleek1906-Klaine4eva
Summary: Journal Entries that Blaine has written during a tough time of his life, now Kurt reads his thoughts through the difficult time
1. Chapter 1: Journal

**A/N: Hi! This is my new fan fic, I hope you enjoy and please comment, criticism is welcome as long as it's not just mean criticism, constructive criticism is always welcome :D**

Chapter One: Journal

He held the journal to his chest as he moved to sit on his bed. He sighed lightly as he opened to the first page, feeling the tears begin to fall even though he hadn't started reading yet, Blaine had told him that he needed to read this. He took a shaky breath as he looked down at the page, salty tears lay on the page, and he gently wiped them off and began to read.

_Kurt, please don't cry,_ Kurt laughed at this gently, his husband knew him way too well, this is only the beginning, _I love you and no matter what happens I will always love you sweetheart, ever since I realized when you sang Blackbird onwards that we were meant to be, again I apologize how long it took me to realize how in love with you I was, I was blinded by our friendship and didn't want to ruin it by making it more difficult but when we did (finally) get together I found it was even easier then friendship, you are just perfect for me Kurt, and I've thanked whoever is looking over us every day for the past ten years because every day has just been amazing with you, sorry, I'm babbling, I knew I would try and put this off but now I'm beginning so you will know all my thoughts that are going through my head through this time, I realize you probably already know what I will think, but I'm going to write them down anyway._

_The date today is the 31st of September, Becca, our surrogate just went into labour, I told you I needed to come home first to grab some things, which I did but I decided to write this as quickly as I could, anyway, I found out about the cancer two days ago, I'm not actually sure about what stage it is at or anything, I was just told it was a melanoma, I am so stupid, I should have listened to you the millions of times you told me to put sunscreen on and I rejected because I would just tan, I'm so sorry Kurt, I should have listened._

_I wish life was like the movies, I really do, I wanted us to live until we were old and grey and wrinkly, well I would be wrinkly, you with your skin regime will never be wrinkly, Kurt laughed gently and sniffled as he continued to read, I wanted it to happen like in The Notebook, but you know...without the Alzheimer's, not that I wouldn't stay if you did have it, and I hope it would be vice versa, but anyway, I'm getting off topic again, what I mean to say is the bit at the end, where I always cry but somehow you seem to hold yourself together until the credits every time, where they both die in each other's arms, I wanted that to be us, I feel that we were meant to always be, like true soul mates, but I know it's just a movie and I'm saddened by that, that we won't both die at that exact moment together to go on to the next life, or wherever we go, that either I will leave you or you will leave me, it seems I will be first, but I shouldn't say that, lots of people survive cancer, right? But the fact that I would have to stay on this Earth without you kills me, and I can't think that if I don't survive this, you will be stuck here for years without me, I mean, I could be selfish and tell you to never see another guy but you can if you want to...Sorry, I should be staying positive, I'm not going to die, when I tell you, you will tell me to not be so stupid and that we can get through this, stronger as always._

_Sorry, I better finish up now, you just text me saying you were beginning to worry and wondering where I was, I didn't realise how long I had been writing for, you're so nervous and I can just imagine you as a nervous wreck pacing the waiting room waiting for me, I just text you back saying I'd be back at the hospital in ten, so, remember Kurt, always, I love you, so much, I will never forget you._

_Blaine xx_

Kurt took another shaky breathy, unsure if he really did want to read anymore, he bit his lip lightly and turned the page.

**A/N: So how did my first chapter go? *bites lip nervously* This is a shorter chapter just because it's more like a prologue than anything, after this there will also be Kurt's memories in it as well :). So, I hope you enjoyed :)**


	2. Chapter 2: The Beginning

**A/N: First off, THANK YOU FOR ADDING MY STORY TO YOUR FAVOURITES! Oh my god, I went away for two days and came back with about 15 emails about people following me and stuff, I'm so overwhelmed, so just, thank you so much! I totally just realised the initials for my story say JEFY, haha, how weird...Anyway, one more piece of information :D THIS IS IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!**

._Italics = Blaine's diary entry_

Normal = Kurt's thoughts and etc at that moment

_**Bold Italic = Kurt's memories**_

**Bold = Author's notes (for now :D)**

**And quickly, an apology for the choppiness, I wrote it at like midnight, so it's kinda bad -_-, but try to enjoy :)**

Chapter Two: The Beginning

Kurt flipped to the next page gently, Blaine's untidy writing covered the page again, Kurt smiled lightly running his fingers over the writing feeling the indents in the page where his husband had pressed too far down. Kurt sighed and began to read again.

_October 2__nd__, 2021_

_Hey Kurt,_

_So today we brought Elizabeth back from the hospital, she's so small, I mean Callum was small when we brought him home, but he was already four months old but Elizabeth, she's just...well, tiny. She looks just like you, that seems weird because she is a girl, but she does, except her hair, she has Becca's fair hair, I'm glad we decided to keep her in Elizabeth's life, she's really a lovely girl, when she's not screaming profanities, but I guess she was in labour, she had an excuse. _Kurt laughed gently, as much as he was glad Becca was in Lizzy's life, he was also glad no more profanities had been shared since then. _She has your beautiful glasz eyes, your porcelain skin, but she seems even more breakable, I guess that may be because she's only two days old...but still. _Kurt smiled slightly, he recalled Blaine holding Lizzy so awkwardly, trying to not let her fall but not hold her too tightly, just like she was breakable, it was the most adorable thing Kurt had ever seen, he turned looking at the picture frame on the side of his bed, where Blaine sat holding Lizzy in one arm and Callum sitting next to him holding onto his arm, Kurt sighed slightly and turned back to continue reading.

_Again, I'm getting off topic, I try to think about what's happening but it just depresses me and I think you've started to notice and I think you've began to worry, but if I do tell you, I think you'll start becoming worried about everything, but I can't tell you yet, the way you were acting with Elizabeth, the love that shone off you, I was not going to dwell on the fact that I have cancer, and I was sure as hell not going to ruin your mood by telling you, I love how protective you are of Elizabeth already, I mean, you ruined your hair to carry her without her getting wet into the house, I stood there shocked for a while, I mean, Kurt Hummel-Anderson ruining his hair to bring a child in out of the rain, it was shocking but beautiful, you are always beautiful so walking through the rain with our daughter and coming out the other side, your hair (as always) was so sexy, stuck down to your face, I really wanted to just sweep you off your feet there, though I don't think that would be very appropriate...or smart with Lizzy in your arms and a half asleep Callum in mine. _Kurt smiled gently letting the memory take over his mind.

_**Kurt frowned looking out the passenger window as it began drizzling lightly on the car as they drove home from the hospital, in the backseat his daughter lay asleep secured safely in her carrier and his son looking out at the rain in interest with his favourite teddy, Mr Dougy, pulled close to his chest chewing on the paw. "Callum, take the toy out of your mouth please" Kurt said, softly but with almost a strict tone that even at three years of age Callum knew not to mess with, he placed Mr Dougy into his lap and laid his head against the window, he was just tall enough with the booster seat to lean against it, his eyes slid shut slowly and drifted to sleep, so the only ones awake were Blaine and Kurt.**_

_**Kurt looked at Blaine adoringly, a few drops of rain had caught in Blaine's curly locks before they had left the hospital, and now Kurt couldn't keep his eyes away, his husband had forgotten to bring gel with them and so hadn't been plastering his hair down the past couple of days, Kurt much rather it loose than gelled down to an inch of its life, but his husband rarely gave it a chance with his job as a lawyer his appearance mattered, that was Blaine's excuse, Kurt knew that Blaine personally hated his hair curly at all, even tamed, so every day, mostly before Kurt arrived home from his morning jog the glue was squashed into his hair.**_

_**Kurt ran his hand gently through his husband's hair as Blaine drove, a small blush rose on Blaine's cheeks at the contact and Kurt smiled, he was delighted to still be able to get such a reaction out of his husband by simply running his fingers through his hair. Running his fingers through his hair...now that brought back some memories, Kurt giggled lightly and Blaine turned to him raising his eyebrow for a second before turning back to watch the road, Kurt knew there was a question there but waited until his husband asked before answering. "Just memories, with you" Kurt said gently smiling, Blaine's grin at that was gorgeous, his eyes crinkling slightly and the slight dimples he had showing.**_

_**At that moment Blaine pulled into their driveway and pulled up close to the door so that Kurt wouldn't ruin his hair. Kurt hopped out of the car and moved to Elizabeth, the drizzle that had started at the hospital had become a torrential storm by the time they arrived home, Kurt had only gotten out of the passenger seat to the back seat and was already soaked, he pick Elizabeth up gently holding her to his chest leaning over so she wouldn't get at all wet, he closed the door as he saw Blaine opening the other to get Callum out, Kurt turned running up to the covering right before the door, squinting to see Blaine and Callum through the rain, by now Elizabeth had woken, but somehow was calm, not even crying as thunder struck, during the storm. **_

_**Blaine came up to the step and put a sleepy Callum down gently, Callum clung onto Blaine's leg as Blaine reached in his pocket to retrieve the house keys, he smiled gently at Kurt, and Kurt sensed something in his eyes, was that lust? After five years of being married and ten years of being together, he still held lust for his husband, Kurt felt his cheeks redden and Blaine gave him a cheeky grin before turning to open the door for them, he held it open for Kurt before picking Callum back up and following them in closing the door behind them.**_

_**Blaine put Callum down and he toddled off to the living room to play with his toys as Kurt headed upstairs to the nursery with Elizabeth, and Blaine followed quickly. Kurt settled Elizabeth in her cot and covered her in a small pink blanket that Rachel and Finn had given them along with stuffed toys that covered every shelf in the room. Kurt felt Blaine wrap his arms around his stomach and he turned staring into the hazel that stared back, Kurt smiled gently. Blaine leant in and kissed him gently cupping his cheek with his right hand while his left pulled Kurt closer by his lower back. Kurt giggled gently against his lips and pulled back. "What was that for?" Kurt whispered eyes flickering between Blaine's eyes and lips smiling.**_

"_**You are so hot right now" Blaine said grinning "You don't know how much you soaking wet and hair plastered to your face is turning me on right now" He grinned cheekily.**_

"_**Well, it's just too bad, because we have to go look after our son, who is in the living room right now, awake, so I'm going to get changed and you go watch him" Kurt instructed grinning as Blaine pouted at him, he walked past Blaine hearing him whine slightly making Kurt grin cheekily he walked to their room to get dressed.**_

Kurt smiled gently at the memory and looked down to keep reading. _But as you saw, I didn't resist long. _Kurt laughed gently. _You know, sometimes you're such a tease, but I guess it makes me want you more, and it's why I love you. _Kurt smiled gently "I love you too" He whispered softly running his fingers over those three words, he sighed gently tears still falling, he thought he should have run out of tears by now but they just kept flowing. He wiped his eyes already swollen and red, all he had read was the note and half of one entry, he was going to be a disaster by the end, but he swallowed roughly and looked back down at the entry.

_I'm tossing up when to tell you, I'm definitely not telling you today, that's a definite, I guess in a few days, hopefully I'll have enough courage to tell you before something happens like I faint or worse, vomit. I know I shouldn't write this because if you are reading this I've most likely died, but I probably would make you read it if I lived...but anyway, the point is, I'm so freaking terrified Kurt,_ Kurt gasped gently, the Blaine he had known would have never admitted being scared, he knew that, the only time he remembered being scared was when he felt he had no idea how to be a boyfriend but he knew that that would have been fine for the simple fact they had been doing 'coupley' things for month, all they really had to do was hold hands a little more, allowed a little longer at hugging and a few kisses. Kurt thought for a moment, there was one other time, when Blaine proposed and was concerned that Kurt would say no, which to Kurt sounded ridiculous. Kurt re read that line and continued.

_I know I'm going to act tough and macho, try not to worry you, but I'm terrified, terrified of the cancer, terrified of becoming sick, terrified of telling you, terrified of what is going to happen, terrified of leaving you with Callum and Elizabeth, terrified of them growing up and me not being there, I know that this sounds so freaking selfish but I'm terrified you're going to forget me, _Kurt felt himself choke on sobs, forget Blaine? Kurt wouldn't be able to do that ever, for Blaine to think that made Kurt feel mortified. Kurt looked back down at the page. _You probably think that you won't, but I don't know...I guess you would be reading this only a couple of weeks or months after my death so you would say you wouldn't forget, but, after a few years you could and go marry someone else, like...I don't know...Dave Karofsky, he's single now (after he eventually came out to his girlfriend...) I don't know if he's single when you read this...but you know go for it..._Kurt could feel dry teardrops on the page and felt his own fall on the page, he could never think of replacing Blaine, Blaine was his everything, no one could fill the space that Blaine had filled.

_Sorry, forgot, staying positive right? Well I don't know, I just don't feel too positive right now...but I guess you can understand why, but I'm still happy, I mean who wouldn't be? I still have you and Callum and now little Elizabeth too, and I know you'll stay with me until the end, even if it's closer than we expected, sorry! Being negative again! I don't mean to, it just sort of rolls off my tongue..._

_Well this is all I can think to really write now as well as you're whining that I should be in bed with you instead of working on a 'case', but I don't mind, you seem cuddly tonight. _Kurt laughed gently, he remembered being cuddly that night, Blaine had seemed tense... _Well, I'll sign off for now, I love you_

_Blaine xx_

**A/N: So...what did you think of this chapter? It's a lot longer than the last, like three times as long, haha, well, I think when I get into the groove of it, they'll even out a bit, haha, so reviews make me happy and help me know what you think, also...here's a hint for the next chapter but I need some help, I need something for them to fight about, so either write in the reviews or pm me and I'll send you a sneak peek of the next chapter, not just the person who gives me the winning idea(though I will give them an extra bit), anyone who gives me a proper serious idea, because I'll choose the one that's most suitable for me to write, but there could be some great ideas there, so everyone's a winner in the end :D**


	3. Chapter 3: Outed

**A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in ages, I've been busy with things and my computer would stuff up and all sorts of things! Also I had to figure out an idea for my fight... So, as always, enjoy!**

Chapter Three: Outed

Kurt leant back against the headboard of his bed and turned to read the next entry wiping at his eyes quickly before reading.

_October 5__th__, 2021_

_Hello Kurt,_

_I told you today, not exactly in the way I wanted to, but you are always just so stubborn, and just...frustrating sometimes! I can't believe you would think that I didn't want Elizabeth or that I cheated on you! What a stupid thought! How many times do I have to freaking say that I love you and that I would never cheat on you until you believe me? And why the hell would I not want Elizabeth? She is so beautiful and she looks just like you! God...I'm going to calm down before I try to calm Elizabeth down, then I'm going to talk to you and then I'm going to come back and write some more._

Kurt saw there was a bit of a gap between this paragraph and the next and thought about that night, Kurt just teared up just thinking about it, he cast his mind back to that night.

_**Kurt pushed the chicken stir fry around the pan as he bit his lip trying to think of what could have possibly made Blaine act in this way. He was enclosed, always sighing and giving longing glances at Kurt, Callum and Elizabeth, it was getting on Kurt's nerves and he simply needed to find out what was happening. He turned off the stove and split the stir fry into two bowls and brought them to the living room where Blaine was aimlessly flicking through channels trying to find something relatively okay to watch. Kurt placed the food in front of him and Blaine smiled brightly up at him, "Thanks hun" He said and when Kurt sat down Blaine kissed his cheek gently smiling as he turned back to the television.**_

_**They sat in silence for fifteen minutes watching the news update on the television but Kurt began to fidget and shuffle. Blaine looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "What's up Kurt?" He asked staring into Kurt's glasz eyes. Kurt sighed slightly, before dropping his eyes to his lap.**_

"_**Do you not want Elizabeth?" Kurt asked, barely loud enough to be heard. Kurt hoped maybe Blaine hadn't heard after all, but when Blaine tensed and turned to look at Kurt shock written across his face, Kurt knew that he had heard what he had said, Kurt bit his lip as tears welled in his eyes.**_

"_**Kurt! Of course I want Elizabeth! She's beautiful, I love her already, why are you bringing this up? Why would I not want her, she's just the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, she looks so much like you, she's just, just perfect" Blaine stuttered through his sentence, completely confused.**_

"_**It's just...I mean, you've been closed in on yourself the last few days, as well as that, you really haven't spent that much time with me, holding me close, even looking into my eyes you don't really do anymore...you're always in your study, ignoring what's happening around you...I mean, it's only been a few days but it's still different...Different to how you've ever been..." Kurt thought for a moment and then gasped standing up looking so hurt at Blaine "Did you cheat on me?" Kurt asked horrified "I mean it all makes sense now," He said as he began to pace "You won't touch me, you haven't kissed me, we've cuddled once, you've barely said a word to me since...oh god, who was it? Please tell me it wasn't Sebastian, anybody but him, wait no! Nobody, I don't want you to cheat on me with anybody, but if you did, please let it not be Sebastian..." Kurt said as tears raced down his cheeks, Blaine watched horrified before jumping to his feet grabbing Kurt.**_

"_**Kurt, I would never ever cheat on you! I love you so much" Blaine was in the middle of trying to reassure Kurt when he felt a hand forcefully hit the side of his face and he gasped raising his hand to his cheek, tears welled in his eyes as he looked at Kurt, but as the tears began to fall down his cheeks it wasn't because of the sting in his cheek or the fact that Kurt was accusing him of doing something he would never be able to do, it was the absolute heartbreak and hurt plastered across his husband's face. "Kurt, please believe me, I would never ever cheat on you, I love you way too much to ever think of hurting you that deeply, and with Sebastian, that would never ever happen, he is the most selfish jerk I have ever met, he's just horrible. I just love you and only you" Blaine took Kurt's hands in his and ran his thumbs over the back of Kurt's palms staring into his eyes, but Kurt pulled away trying to give Blaine one of his 'bitch please' glares, but not succeeding as Blaine could see the hurt in his eyes.**_

"_**Oh yeah, well I can't think of any other reason why the hell you would act like that towards me! I mean, what did I do wrong? Urgh, you're just frustrating sometimes Blaine!" Kurt shouted and they both heard Elizabeth start to cry but they ignored it.**_

"_**I just told you, you did nothing wrong!" Blaine shouted back getting frustrated as well now "And neither did I! Ok, well technically I did, but not what you think! I've been trying not to spend as much time with you so I could think how to tell you my own way, without you making assumptions about things I would never do!" He shouted fuming.**_

"_**Ok then, what the hell is so wrong that you are trying to spend less time with me?" Kurt shouted, his eyebrows pulling together to show he was confused but you could see the anger in his eyes.**_

"_**Maybe I'm sick!" Blaine shouted blinking back tears quickly**_

"_**What the hell do you mean 'maybe your sick'?" Kurt asked lowering his voice a little.**_

_**Blaine voice lowered to a mumble, "Maybe I have cancer..." He said quietly looking down at his feet.**_

"_**W-what...?" Kurt whispered tears springing in his eyes.**_

"_**I..I said, maybe I have cancer" Said Blaine as tears began to fall down his cheeks quickly, he wiped them away quickly and took a shaky breath "And this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you yet, I wanted to figure out a way but as usual you had to go and assume things, and guess what? Are you happy now? Now you know the truth" Blaine said, sadness and anger mixed in his eyes as he moved to the staircase heading upstairs.**_

"_**Where are you going? We have to talk about this!" Kurt said looking at Blaine, his eyes wide, Blaine stared back, his eyes almost dead.**_

"_**Not now Kurt, I'm going to go and calm our daughter down, then check on our son and then maybe come back, I don't know, I just...I can't believe after how long we've been together you think I would cheat on you, not only that but you don't trust I was hiding something for a reason, you're just..frustrating sometimes Kurt, and I just hate how you don't trust me..." Blaine said and Kurt could see the hurt in his eyes.**_

"_**But Blaine, I do, I do trust you...I just...I just get scared that I'm not good enough to keep you so I get nervous when you do things like that, I get scared one day you'll just be gone and I'll be alone..." Kurt said looking at his hands again, Blaine stayed on the step he was on sighing.**_

"_**I don't know what these rings mean to you" Blaine said holding up his hand with the wedding band on it "But to me, this means that you believe that I will love you and only you for the rest of my life, it means trust and commitment, it means that until death parts us we will be together!" Blaine sighed "Even if that means that it will be a lot sooner than we expected..." Blaine looked away as Kurt's head flew up and tears poured down both men's faces. Blaine headed up the stairs and Kurt sat there staring at the vacated spot.**_

_**Blaine had cancer...Blaine, his Blaine, had cancer...Blaine could die...Oh god! Blaine could die! Kurt jumped up pacing trying to calm himself down, he felt himself begin to hyperventilate and ran a hand through his hair roughly trying to breathe evenly, he could feel a full fledge panic attack on the way and grasped at the back of the couch breathing quickly.**_

_**Once he heard Blaine coming back down the stairs he turned running straight into Blaine's empty arms, causing the shorter man to stumble backwards, Kurt hid his face in the crook of Blaine's neck, "Don't leave me" Kurt sobbed "Please don't leave me, don't go, don't d-die" Kurt cried into his neck. Blaine tightened his arms around Kurt pulling him as close as he could, he kissed Kurt's hair gently and led him to the couch pulling Kurt onto his lap rocking him gently as Kurt sobbed into Blaine's shirt and neck.**_

"_**I will stay as strong as I can for you Kurt, I mean, I have so much to live for, I have you, Callum and little Elizabeth, I don't want to go at all, but I don't get to make the decision about it, it's whatever the 'higher power' has in store for me, if I die it will be for a good reason..." Blaine said quietly, trying to convince both Kurt and himself**_

"_**No...there...will never be...a good...a good enough reason...for...for you to...to die" Kurt spluttered out between sobs, "Especially not...not at this age...when we..we just started to live" Kurt held tightly onto Blaine's shirt wishing he could physically hold on tight enough that Blaine could not leave, not physically, or mentally.**_

"_**Shhh Kurt, it will be okay, shhh, everything will be alright, we just need to stay strong" Blaine stroked his hair gently and began to sing quietly **_

"_**You're in the moment now  
>A bitter rouse<br>A wandering eye and then  
>The ties that bind start wearing thin, within<strong>_

_**"You're in the moment now  
>When all that you've been blessed with<br>Is not enough  
>Here's where the ground gets loose<br>Here's where the devils call your bluff**_

_**"Stay strong  
>You are not lost<br>Come on and fix your eyes ahead  
>There's a new dawn to light our day, our day<br>You've gotta stay strong  
>You and I run<br>For the prize that lies ahead  
>We've come too far to lose our way, our way<strong>_

_**"We've seen the tragic flaws  
>The tortured souls<br>The saints with feet of clay  
>Here's where sin becomes cliché'<strong>_

_**"We've come through wilderness and watched  
>The cloud by day<br>The burning sky into dawn  
>Have you forgotten who you are?<br>Did you forget whose trip you're on?**_

_**"Stay strong  
>You are not lost<br>Come on and fix your eyes ahead  
>There's a new dawn to light our day, our day<br>We've gotta stay strong  
>You and I run<br>For the prize that lies ahead  
>We've come too far to lose our way, our way<strong>_

_**"Get up, there's further to go  
>Get up, there's more to be done<br>Get up, this witness is sure  
>Get up, this race can be won<br>This race can be won**_

_**"We've gotta stay strong  
>You are not lost<br>Come on and fix your eyes ahead  
>Our Father's dawn will light our day, our day<br>Come on and stay strong  
>His grip is sure<br>And His patience still endures  
>There'll be no letting go today, no way<strong>_

_**"Come on, and stay strong  
>You and I run<br>For the prize that lies ahead  
>We've come too far to lose our way, our way..."<strong>_

_**Blaine finished letting a silence linger in the air. Kurt sniffled looking up into Blaine's eyes**_

"_**We will get through this...together" Kurt said quietly stroking Blaine's cheek.**_

Kurt flashed back to the present and smiled slightly at the end of the memory, he sighed a little and looked down at the rest of the entry.

_Kurt, I apologize about me being angry before, I know you're scared, and I don't think you actually realise that I'm probably about one hundred times more scared, I mean, even tonight I tried acting strong although I was absolutely breaking down inside, I really don't see how I actually made it through singing a whole song to you without my voice breaking at all._

_I love you Kurt, so much, and I know you said we will get through this together, but if I don't survive I don't know what you will do, I mean, I know you will survive but all I can think is either you will fall into a serious depressive state and not be able to take care of our children or try and do something stupid like trying to kill yourself, god I hope you'll be okay, I don't care if I'm gone as long as you're okay...I shouldn't write that, I know you're strong enough to survive without me, but I'm being selfish, I really don't want you to ever be with anyone else, I know that sounds horrible, but I don't know..._

_I hope you don't start treating me differently because of it, I hope you don't act like I'm useless like you do when I'm sick, because physically, at the moment, I'm completely fine to do things, tomorrow I'm going to talk to you about my doctor's appointment and maybe when I found out about the cancer...maybe, if you're okay tomorrow I will, but for now I can hear you crying in our bedroom, I can't talk to you about anything else tonight, it will just make you too upset, I'm going to go in now and you're going to pretend that you weren't crying and try and be strong and then as soon as you think I'm asleep you will cry again, I hate when you cry, it makes my stomach twist in pain, and when I'm 'asleep' I can't comfort you because you'll know and then you will try to keep your emotions under control all the time and we know that will end badly..._

_Well I'm signing off for tonight, I'm going to go and try and comfort you and I know you will refuse, but I will still try, and you will eventually give in and let me hold you and pretend to sleep as you silently cry...Well, I love you_

_Blaine xx_

Kurt sniffled slightly and bit his lip and put the journal down for a second and grabbed Blaine's pillow smelling his scent a little before sticking it behind his back and the scent surrounded him as he turned to read the next entry.

**A/N: I didn't really like this chapter but anyway...Hope you enjoyed. I love reviews, they inspire me to keep writing even though at the moment only one person is reviewing (I LOVE YOU RACHELGLEEK!), anyway, I hope to get the next chapter out soon, but I'm returning to school tomorrow so it might be a little difficult to actually write it, but I shall try :) Oh! And the song is called 'Stay Strong' by Newsboys L=**


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